In the world of psychology, especially transactional analysis, Dr. Taibi Kahler introduced the concept of “drivers”—unconscious messages that shape how we behave and respond to situations. These drivers often influence our personal and professional lives, often without us realizing it. They stem from our early childhood experiences, shaping our view of success, worthiness, and how we approach challenges.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these drivers and understand how they impact us:

1. Be Perfect

People with this driver feel an unconscious need to do things without any mistakes. They strive for perfection in all aspects of life—whether it’s work, relationships, or personal projects. While this can lead to high-quality output, it can also create stress, anxiety, and an overwhelming fear of failure. Their inner voice constantly tells them, “You must be flawless,” pushing them to set unrealistic standards.

Impact: This can result in procrastination or burnout, as the fear of not being perfect may prevent them from even starting a task.

Tip: It’s essential to remember that no one is perfect. Learning to embrace mistakes as part of growth is key to reducing anxiety.

2. Please Others

This driver manifests in people who are compelled to seek approval from others. They prioritize making others happy, often at the expense of their own needs. This behavior stems from a deep-seated belief that being liked and appreciated defines their worth.

Impact: These individuals may struggle with assertiveness and often say “yes” to things they don’t want to do, leading to feelings of resentment or exhaustion.

Tip: Setting boundaries is essential for those with this driver. Learning to say “no” without guilt can help in maintaining self-respect and emotional health.

3. Hurry Up

This driver is all about speed and urgency. People with this mindset feel pressured to complete tasks quickly, often rushing through life without taking time to reflect or enjoy the process. They tend to believe that being fast is the key to success.

Impact: This can lead to errors, stress, and missed opportunities for deeper reflection. Life becomes a race, where the focus is always on the next task, rather than on the quality of the current one.

Tip: Slowing down and practicing mindfulness can help individuals with this driver focus on quality over speed and prevent burnout.

4. Try Hard

This driver leads people to put immense effort into everything they do. However, it’s not just about working hard; it’s about the belief that success only comes from effort, not necessarily the result. This can cause them to overexert themselves in situations where smart work or efficiency might be better.

Impact: These individuals often feel that they are not good enough, no matter how hard they try. The constant effort without tangible success can leave them feeling exhausted and frustrated.

Tip: Focus on working smarter, not harder. Sometimes, it’s not about the amount of effort you put in but about doing things efficiently and effectively.

5. Be Strong

People with this driver believe that they must be tough and self-sufficient. They avoid showing vulnerability or asking for help, as they feel it’s a sign of weakness. This driver is often rooted in the idea that emotional expression is dangerous or unhelpful.

Impact: Suppressing emotions can lead to stress, isolation, and even mental health issues. These individuals may push themselves beyond their limits, believing they must “soldier on” no matter what.

Tip: It’s important to recognize that asking for help or showing vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength. Emotional connection and support are essential for a balanced life.

Conclusion: Understanding and Managing Your Drivers

Recognizing your dominant driver(s) is the first step toward gaining control over unconscious behaviors. By being aware of these drivers, you can start to challenge their influence and create healthier patterns of thought and action. For example, if you identify with the “Be Perfect” driver, remind yourself that mistakes are learning opportunities, not failures. If “Please Others” resonates with you, practice setting boundaries and valuing your own needs.

Understanding these drivers can help you break free from automatic patterns and live a more conscious, fulfilling life. It’s not about eliminating these drivers but learning to manage them in a way that supports your overall well-being.